For the better of five years, this blog is has been my longest relationship, my honest mirror, my safe place.
My relationship to it within the past year has shifted, substantially. I’m afraid to express specifics about my life now. I’m afraid of how archivable the good and the bad of it has become to people who have hurt me. I hate knowing that someone I loved and trusted is appropriating my emotions, no matter what they’re doing with them. I hate how self-absorbed that sounds.
I’m playing with the idea of making a new blog, but until that happens, I hope to establish some better habits. I hope to spend some time away from the computer, taking photos, picking up any of these abandoned instruments scattered about my room, writing in a journal, recording poetry, getting comfortable in different art spheres, trying my best to not want to die.
I’m not deleting this blog just yet. I want it to be available for me to look back on until I don’t feel I need it any longer, but, save for a future draft dump someday, I will not be making any further updates to this blog. I’ll be around to exchange messages and I’ll be likin’ yall shit, too. I’m on Instagram as sleepinglamb and on Snapchat as majinbuuthang. I’ll add/follow yo ass back if I’m not already. Message me for my number or Skype.
Until you get a follow from some mysterious blog in the future, don’t lose touch. Be easy, everyone. I love you.
P.S., shout out to Daniel for making me look 10 feel tall in all the pics he’s taken of me. <3
A day of hands and plants, of light and spirit, of sweetness and melanin. Everything is magical when we’re together. You’ll likely never see this, and I kinda hope you don’t because I’m gross, but I love you.
*If you feel inclined to comment, please use they/them/their pronouns to refer to the angel pictured here.
There’s nothing malicious about giving thanks and accepting that someone just doesn’t fit into your life the same way anymore. There’s something incredibly damaging, however, about keeping them and remembering how they’ve hurt you and being in constant distress about whether they know they’ve hurt you or if they’ll hurt you again.
Letting go of people with gratitude is so much healthier, so much gentler, than holding onto them with resentment.
I trust the universe, and the universe trusts me; that’s why I have this life. I’ve been entrusted with it because I can handle it. Not every day is good and contentment is not stagnant, but even on those days - or those weeks, or those months - I can handle this life.
👋🏿!
I aced my women & violence in Latin America final and that was one of my biggest goals this semester, but I never established a reward for myself. I think it’s going to be wearing lots of pastel and getting Channel Orange on vinyl. It will be my Good Thing. It will be a tangible item that reminds me, in times of hardship, that there is always one Good Thing to hold onto. I hope all of you have at least one Good Thing to hold onto, and if you don’t feel like you do, I’m glad you’re still here reading this. In any event, my inbox is wide open and I love you. 💕
Nate Carty + Human Form/Idle Lines + Photographer Tazaca + Chasseur Magazine